Sex, Love, and Addiction

Sex, Porn and the Culture Wars: Being An Expert in a Disinformation Era

Rob wanted to take some time to express some of the challenges he is facing in communicating the importance of his work on this week’s episode. Rob recently attended a conference in Australia that was a bit frustrating to experience. Facts matter in the therapy world and it seems that people prefer to listen to the loudest of voices instead of the experts who have dedicated their lives and education to addiction and therapy. Everyone wants you to take a side or to think in absolutes, but therapists don’t take sides. Therapists guide you in choosing what’s right for you.     TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] We don’t really have all the research about porn addiction yet.  [3:50] Porn can be bad for some people, but it doesn’t mean that it’s bad for everyone.  [4:35] When Rob spoke at a conference in Australia about his neutral beliefs about porn and porn addiction, people were disappointed. When attending scientific conferences, it’s important to present facts; not opinions.  [5:55] Unfortunately, people who are anti-porn hold very strong beliefs about it, but they might not necessarily have the clinical knowledge on how addiction really works. A lot of speakers were not citing statistics or facts in their talks.   [7:45] It’s a catch 22. Anti-porn people do not want to talk about the positives of porn and sexual health professionals don’t want to talk about the negatives of porn and sex addiction. What you need is a balance and you can’t have that if you are very biased towards one belief or the other.   [8:15] Rob makes the connection about how people feel about porn addiction to how people felt about prohibition back in the day. It was deeply rooted in moral, religious beliefs, with conservative overtones.  [9:15] Fear sells. All you have to do is pick a side and think in absolutes, and you will be very popular. Rob doesn’t believe this is the best approach.  [12:55] Rob and some of his fellow colleagues, who hold PhDs on the subject, were turned down to speak because event organizers preferred the speaker who had more media contacts, who were ‘marketable’, or even paid more for a booth. It’s a sad state when fame is preferred over expert knowledge at scientific conferences!   [17:20] How can you do mental health treatment without asking about human sexuality? It sets Rob’s hair on fire when there is such a big disconnect in this area.  [22:05] When you use the word ‘addiction’, you are not shaming yourself. You are embracing your vulnerabilities. You have limits and you learned what they are. That’s a good thing.  [24:55] You can never debate facts to people who have very strong emotional beliefs or opinions. You will always lose.  [26:15] Rob doesn’t understand why the sexual world is so split on certain issues when we all use the same methods and techniques to treat patients. Life would be so much better if we can just come together and work together.    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Dr. Gail Dines Dr. David Ley Prohibition: A Film by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick   QUOTES: “I don’t really decide for you or for anyone else whether porn is good or porn is bad because I think I would be a bad therapist.” “Believe me, fear sells. I can show you a thousand images from online porn that would make you tell me porn is horrible.” “When we’re talking about our pleasures and our human desires, I think it’s always a bad idea to be in black and white.” “That’s an anti-expert experience. When the person who shouts the loudest on Twitter or online or on TV gets the most attention, it doesn’t mean they have the most knowledge.”

The Difference Between Addiction and Physical Dependence with Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD, is a nationally recognized author and expert in both the management of chronic pain with opioids and in addictive sexual disorders. She returns to the show to talk about the important topic of the difference between addiction and physical dependence, and what each experience looks like in terms of diagnosis and treatment. Dr. Schneider also talks about what physical dependence is, the signs of addiction, and why the two continue to get confused. Dr. Schneider and Rob also discuss how we can manage situations as consumers truly looking for effective pain management, and provide resources where people can learn more and reach out for further help.     TAKEAWAYS: [4:53] Dr. Schneider defines physical dependence as the drug-producing a change in your body as a response to no longer taking the drug.  [6:48] When you stop taking a drug suddenly, you will not only experience withdrawal symptoms resulting from your physical dependence, but you will likely also resume the symptoms responsible for taking the medication in the first place.  [8:20] Opioids have two different effects. One is that they cause physical dependence, or your body’s response of adapting to them. The other is they cause addiction.  [9:55] There is a misunderstanding when using the term “chemically dependent” and referring only to an addict. Physical dependency happens to everyone that is on an opioid after a few days, and the body adjusts to the prescribed dosage.  [13:42] Dr. Schneider categorizes addiction into these following descriptions:  The loss of control and inability to stop, or to use the medication as prescribed.  Continuation to use despite significant and adverse consequences.  Preoccupation with use of the drugs.  [19:48] Although it is harder than ever to get a prescription for opioids to manage pain, the drug-related overdose deaths are at an all-time high. This is for many reasons, one being that now people are starting to get their drugs on the street, leading to them taking drugs that could be mixed with dangerous and even lethal substances.  [22:14] There have also been some findings that opioids may treat depression and anxiety, and people may find themselves feeling better not only because their pain is treated, but their mood may be better than ever.  [26:10] Tolerance is still a concept that there is much misunderstanding about. With opioids, some side effects people develop a tolerance to, and some people continue to have the same effects. Dr. Schneider shares a personal story on how pain isn’t the same due to the disease progression, not the opioids.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  Back from Betrayal  Closer Together Further Apart Always Turned On  Jennifer Schneider  The 5 Most Misunderstood Terms in Pain Medicine QUOTES: “There’s been confusion about the word ‘dependent’.”  “We need to avoid the word ‘dependent’ because it’s good to rely on a medication that can save your life.”  “Addiction is about behavior.”  “There are people who are in genuine pain and now the response is ‘You are just going to have to deal with it’.” 

8 Ways to Wellbeing with Dr. Sonnee Weedn

Dr. Sonnee Weedn, Ph.D., is a clinical and forensic psychologist in private practice in Novato, CA with a newly added satellite office in her hometown of Newport Beach, CA. She is also the author of Many Blessings and a contributor to Making Advances. Dr. Weedn joins the show to talk about the 8 Ways to Wellbeing For Recovering People Workbook, and how her work with Dr. Walsh led her to pull together these foundational habits that create profound results for those in healing and recovery. Dr. Weedn names the 8 ways to wellbeing, and actionable ways we can get started in moving ahead with each one.    TAKEAWAYS: [5:20] Dr. Weedn was asked to present at the Tibetan Medical Conference, and she thought long and hard about how to best inform an International audience made up of many types of culture. She was previously introduced to the work of Dr. Roger Walsh, a professor at UC Irvine Medical School, and realized how his evidence-based research could very much work for those in recovery.  [6:23] Lifestyle habits are foundational to support both our physical and mental health.  [10:03] These healthy lifestyle habits are cross-culturally relevant, and anyone can do them at little cost. It’s also important for people to note that they won’t see drastic change all at once. The point is not to get overwhelmed, it’s to make little changes here and there that will bring their emotional life into as much balance as possible.  [13:55] The 8 Ways to Wellbeing:  Nutrition. Having good, nutritious and pure food is important. Read food labels and feed yourself well. Good nutrition is so important for recovery from any malady, physical or mental.  Exercise. Exercise keeps the brain healthy and the blood pumping. We are meant to move every day, and even just a brisk walk is a great start.  Relaxation. Dr. Weedn refers to it as rest without sleeping, and something that takes us away from the hustle and bustle and creates a sense of peace and mindfulness.  Recreation. This aspect is important, especially for people with addiction.  Relationship. May be the most important in terms of mental health. The more positive interactions we have, the better off we will be mentally. Good relationship skills can be learned over time.  Time in nature. Nature is healing. Get outdoors every day.  Giving back. A spirit of altruism reminds us that there is life beyond us.  Spiritual Practice that is definable. Whether it’s religious or you make up your own, it needs to emphasize love, acceptance, generosity and meaning.    [31:48] It’s all about accountability, and holding the space for yourself and others to do the work. In the workbook, there are sections where you can name who will hold you accountable.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Dr. Sonnee Weedn  Eight Ways to Wellbeing Angeles Arrien  8 Ways to Wellbeing YouTube  drsonnee@aol.com Dr. Roger Walsh  Tibetan Medical Conference    QUOTES: “Our daily healthy habits support our mental and physical health.”  “We have to feed people well in order to help them heal.”  “This is the work of a lifetime, and it doesn’t happen in 30 days of treatment.”  “Nature is always changing, and it’s a good place for us to be when we are in change.” 

When Does Cheating End a Relationship? With Dr. Jennifer Schneider

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD, is a nationally recognized expert in addictive sexual disorders and in the management of chronic pain with opioids, an area that certainly needs more exposure. She joins the show to talk about what happens when a betrayed partner feels as though they want to end the relationship and a few real-life examples of why someone may want to leave for good. She gives her own personal experience with the subject and discusses the personal growth that needs to occur in order for someone to walk away. She and Rob also discuss the books they have written together, the importance of support groups, and resources for betrayed partners experiencing trauma.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:57] Dr. Schneider is the author of 15 books and numerous articles in professional journals. She and Rob also have written two together, including Closer Together, Further Apart and Always Turned On. [4:00] Dr. Schneider was a betrayed partner herself and discusses the self confidence and awareness she developed to get clarity and realize she was ready to leave the situation.  [5:26] Betrayed partners need support, and they have to be okay with the independence and inner work that comes with leaving a situation that no longer serves them.  [13:15] The partner that acted out may have a totally different story after recovery than while they are in a mode of lying and cheating. It is possible that partners will find out later that there are even more lies than they thought, and they have to decide whether they want to stick around to make that distinction or not.  [15:48] Dr. Schneider found that things shifted for her own personal relationship once she was able to understand the patterns and behavior of her then husband. She took a first step by going to Al-Anon, and began to get the skills and self esteem to build up her own self confidence.  [18:10] There is power in support from others. Dr. Schneider has found it very beneficial to attend support groups and found the benefits one of the biggest gifts in healing. [21:55] Betrayed partners are going through a major trauma, but Dr. Schneider doesn’t see them as solely a victim.  [24:02] By healing our own wounds we become less needy and vulnerable, and are able to make better decisions intellectually about love.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Back from Betrayal  Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness Closer Together, Further Apart Always Turned On Al-Anon Jennifer Schneider    QUOTES: “The answer comes from who you are, and what you want from life and yourself.”  “As long as it’s too fearful to end the relationship, you will stay and make excuses.”  “All of our needs come up when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.” 

What Mediation Looks Like When Couples Part Ways with Dina Haddad

Dina Haddad is a family law mediator and principal of Families First Mediation. She joins the show this week to talk with Rob about the options couples have when being together isn’t the best option, and how she helps her clients navigate the often painful and rocky road of not being together. Dina talks about what it is they do in meditation, the difference between mediation and litigation, and why it’s important for couples to try and work together on coming to an agreement that works in the best interest of everyone.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:45] Reconciliation can work for some couples, but it is not always the best answer. Dina works with clients who feel they are better off parting ways, and explains the different choices they face when getting divorced.  [5:02] Litigation uses the court system to complete divorce. Through attorney representation, litigation can be very cut and dry and much of the time is used on rule abiding and procedural matters. Mediation puts the parties in control while still getting guidance and support on the laws through experts like Dina. Mediation is also far less expensive than traditional choices such as litigation.  [11:10] The process of divorce can be extremely emotionally challenging for all parties, especially betrayed partners who are experiencing much hurt and anger. If it’s appropriate for the situation, Dina can recommend a therapist for her clients to work with throughout the process.  [13:13] Working with a professional also provides structure, confidentially, and an objective third party.  [17:28] Dina has created a DIY program for divorce in California called The Complete Divorce. This takes couples from beginning to end in the process and explains all the forms with step by step tutorials. There are also resources provided if they do want to talk with a professional for even further support.  [23:08] When there is hurt and pain involved, couples will want to punish their partner, come up with scare tactics, or even just make things “fair”. The law doesn’t always cater to this, and this is why it’s important for couples to take a step back and come up with a manageable and efficient parenting plan for all involved.  [28:12] Parenting schedules can be different for every family, and can suit whatever is best for the children and the parents.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Families First Mediation San Jose Counseling    QUOTES: “The scariest part of divorce is being confronted in a very difficult time in your life with a very difficult legal process.” “Healing your relationship doesn’t always mean staying together.” “Everybody has a different sense of fairness, it just depends on what side you are sitting at.”

ADHD In Relationships and Addiction with Dr. Todd Love

Dr. Todd Love is a board-certified coach, licensed professional counselor and licensed attorney with a unique and broad background. He joins the show to talk with Rob about his own clinical practice in Athens, GA and exactly what ADHD is, how we diagnose it, and why it so strongly affects both the healing of addictions and relationship issues. Dr. Love shares his own personal experience with ADHD, what he has seen change in the field of diagnosis and treatment for ADHD throughout the years, the symptoms and signs, and what recovery may look like. Dr. Love and Rob also discuss how it shows up in childhood, relationships, and addiction, as well as resources where someone could get an evaluation.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:54] Historically, people thought of ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) as something that affected only children, and more specifically, young males. It is now a more or less equal issue and shows up in more places than just the early childhood classroom.  [4:38] ADHD is a whole other different type of issue than mania.  [5:27] If you run into a therapist who has worked with that issue for a while and have safety and understanding, work with this person as they are likely to have empathy and compassion towards that subject.  [6:08] Up to 20-40% of “intensity seekers” have an existing ADHD problem that is contributing to or the cause of an addiction. Intensity seekers can be thrill seeking or novelty seeking that leads to problem behavior patterns such as gambling, sex addiction and overspending. [8:41] In order to get the ADHD diagnosis, the addiction would need to be quelled. A lot of treatment centers don’t screen for ADHD and instead look for disorders, and they may even have people stop their medications, which makes the problem worse.  [13:41] It can be a very emotional shift for an adult who gets diagnosed and treated after years of struggling with symptoms and consequences from problematic behaviors due to their ADHD.  [19:40] The partner of someone with ADHD needs to have compassion and understanding on this issue, otherwise it may cause a lot of frustration, miscommunication, and resentment. Dr. Love makes himself vulnerable and discloses that he does have ADHD, so others know he isn’t being rude or dismissive if he is moving around or distracted while talking.  [26:43] Official diagnosis come from doctors or neuropsychological testing, since school systems require formal diagnosing. This information can then be brought to a therapist or psychiatrist.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) among longer-term prison inmates is a prevalent, persistent and disabling disorder The Couples Guide to Thriving With ADHD  CHADD  ADD.org  DocToddLove.com QUOTES: “Don’t be afraid of those who have worked through their own issues and are now working with you.”  “You make yourself intimate to people by telling them things you would rather hide.”  “In order to make it intimate, and for us to be real with each other, I have to tell you my truth.”  “If you live with someone with ADHD, it requires a consistent compromise to make it work.” 

Partner Empathy with Carol the Coach

Carol Juergensen Sheets, Coach, Columnist, Therapist and Speaker joins the show today to talk about her best selling workbook and roadmap, Help. Her. Heal, written to help both betrayed partners and addicts overcome the trauma associated with infidelity. She and Rob talk about her focus on empathy towards the betrayed partner, and resources within the workbook where couples can start rebuilding trust and intimacy. Carol is always one step ahead in the field, and spreads her message to thousands using her coaching, videos, books, and podcasts.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:28] Many times sex addicts struggle with truly feeling empathatic towards the partner they betrayed. Carol’s techniques and formulas help the addict learn to acknowledge pain, validate the partner’s feelings, and reassure that things in the future will be different. When we work from the premise that the sex addict is the one responsible for the pain, we can start to rebuild (or build) empathy, and it is a cyclical dance of healing for both.  [5:32] Carol describes her formula for empathy and building trust:  Acknowledge the issue and the source of pain (take responsibility).  Validate the feelings of their partner instead of dismissing or minimizing them. Learn to identify what they see on their partner such as anger, sadness, loneliness, fear or happiness.  Identify the plan in forward-thinking and be ready to be a safe container for all their fears and feelings throughout the process.  [11:34] After a betrayal, it may not always get back to normal right away or even ever at all. It is important that both parties stick through the process and continue to do their best to be honest and vulnerable.  [11:51] Carol explains that out of every trauma that anyone can go through, partner betrayal ranks very high towards the top. A trauma bond occurs and if not worked through, the partner will most likely not be able to trust again.  [13:02] Healing isn’t an overnight process. It may take the same amount of time in healing for betrayal as it does for an addict to heal their brain, sometimes even over 3-5 years.  [18:40] Working on the relationship provides an opportunity for parents to show their children what it looks like when two adults trust, respect, and listen to each other.  [23:11] Help. Her. Heal is something the addict will read and buy, but the betrayed partner is encouraged to be in on the work as well. It will work best when they use it and apply the principles together. The work can also be shared with any therapist or clinician the couple is working with.  [24:55] Carol has the oldest running podcast in the field of sexual addiction and partner betrayal on the internet.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  Out of the Doghouse Help. Her. Heal  BlogTalkRadio -- Carol the Coach  Carol the Coach  Carol the Coach YouTube  Patrick Carnes  APSATS   QUOTES: “Addicts want empathy in their life, and they want to learn it because they don’t have it.”  “A partner wants to know that the addict gets her pain, and he caused it.”  “Partners typically want to stay in the relationship.” 

Loving an Addict with the Prodependence Model with Kim Buck

Kim Buck, CSAT and Clinical Director of Family Strategies Counseling Center in Arizona, joins the show this week. Kim and Rob discuss the differences between the Prodependence model vs. Codependence, the interesting results she is finding using this model at her own center, and what is helpful for partners to understand when dealing with betrayal and loving an addict. She and Rob also share why the Prodependence model gives betrayed partners support and compassion in crisis rather than judgment or blame, along with the freedom to examine themselves as much as they wish, when they wish.    TAKEAWAYS: [5:05] Betrayed partners are typically in deep trauma and crisis when dealing with the bad behavior of their addict, and understanding Prodependence gives the perspective of supporting them in their desire to just try and be helpful, instead of being the cause or the one to blame.  [9:30] Kim has her clients look at what is right in the relationship, and what, if anything, is worth saving.  [11:33] Instead of looking for a pathology or reason the betrayed partner caused the addicts behavior, Prodependence deals with the crisis at hand to try and let the partner feel their feelings and begin to get some sense of safety while in such trauma.  [13:50] While other models talk more about the betrayed partners history and past, often times they are just there to get support in the moment.  [16:04] Betrayed partners tend to let go of their own care while attempting to save their relationship and family. In this time of emotional freefall, judging them only produces more fear, hurt, shame and self doubt.  [22:22] It is very common for addicts to blame the spouse, and that also is very hurtful.  [24:10] Kim works with her betrayed clients to validate and support them, show them it wasn’t their fault for the addicts behavior, then help them find boundaries and useful ways to show up in the relationship if they choose to continue.  [26:33] Codependency often calls for detaching from the addict so they can suffer on their own, but this is not always sustainable or healthy for either partners. We have to figure out what is saveable and why they want to be in the relationship, and then work on it from there.  [29:22] Kim finds it’s a natural process to want more understanding down the road, but they can explore the past later once the crisis is over.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  William White  KBuck@familystrategies.org  Family Strategies Counseling Center   QUOTES: “We have to look at strengths individually, and what has gone right in this relationship and what you want to save.”  “When you love someone, you just do what you can to make their life better.”  “Don’t question your love for someone.”  “What I really need, is just space to feel.”  “It’s very easy for caretakers to find themselves in a deficit.”  “The most power you have is a gentle invitation that is offered by example.”   

The Rules for Being a Man with Dan Griffin

Dan Griffin, M.A. is an internationally recognized author, thought leader, and expert who has dedicated his life and work to redefining what it means to be a man in the 21st century. He joins the show this week to talk with Rob about rewriting the rules and rigidity of what it means to really be a man, and the benefits men can get when they get in touch with their own feelings and deeply connect with others.    TAKEAWAYS: [2:57] A few of the rules that the world has set up for boys at a young age to define what makes a real man:  Don’t cry. Real men don’t cry, and if you do it shows weakness.  Don’t ask for help.  Don’t be weak or vulnerable, or “like a girl”.  Don’t be gay.  Be a protector and provider.  Use sex as the main form of intimacy, and have as sex with as many hot chicks as possible.  Success defines who we are, and second place is the first loser.  [8:04] A large portion of men find they have no one to talk to or deeply communicate with, and this further creates a disconnection to self and the tendency to shut out others.  [11:21] We’re all like fish in the water, feeding off the same environment affecting each other with our actions. When an environment is supportive and fosters growth, it is more likely a man will shine and feel comfortable to show his true self.   [12:03] The rules themselves aren’t bad, but get in the way because they mandate without choice. There’s nothing wrong with strength and power, it's rigidity that blocks emotion and connection.  [14:43] Gay men have an experience of having multiple rules: ones set up for gay men, women and straight men all at once.  [20:38] We would all benefit if men are able to get in touch with their own emotions, and in turn they could access more empathy and understanding when women share their story. [28:02] Crisis can be an opportunity to get vulnerable and open us up to meaningful, deep conversation.   [28:39] Each man has the right to choose what type of man he wants to be, which Dan terms as conscious masculinity.  [29:44] Men define intimacy via sex, and it is important to talk about breakdowns in the area before it gets to point where the partner cheats.  [33:18] With suicide rates being higher than ever, the impact of feeling isolated and disconnected is more serious than it’s ever been.  [35:17] We highly benefit when we go below the surface the people in our lives and show them the true authentic selves.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  Dan Griffin  A Man’s Way Through Relationships  Terry Real  I Don’t Want to Talk About It  Dr. Allen Berger  American Psychological Association  The Good Men Project  QUOTES: “This is the armor that protects us, and it’s not a well constructed identity.”  “When you are alone and you look in the mirror, can you hold eye contact with the man that you see?”  “Such an amazing opportunity for connection and love gets undone because we can’t talk to each other.”  “It starts with taking a risk, and men have to be willing to take a risk to open up to somebody else.”  “The man rules are antisocial and narcissistic.” 

Sex and the Law with Ian Friedman

Ian Friedman is one of the most sought after criminal defense lawyers in the country, and a partner at the Cleveland based firm Friedman and Nemecek. He joins the show to talk with Rob about the diverse nature of cases that he takes on, including criminal, cyber crimes and white collar manners. He talks about the law needing to catch up with the new crimes we are presently dealing with, and how sexually based charges fall within one of the toughest areas of law. Ian discusses how he and his clients deal with the potential major stigmas and penalties attached, and resources available to people who want to discover more.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] Based in Cleveland, Ohio, Ian Friedman has served as chief legal counsel on behalf of individuals and entities from coast to coast and as far as Europe, Asia, and South America. In addition to his legal work, he is also an Adjunct Professor of Law at the Cleveland-Marshall College of Law teaching Computers & Criminal Law.  [2:38] Despite handling countless murder cases, people look at those that are merely charged with offenses with a hefty amount of judgement and paint the term “sex offenders” with a very wide stroke. To Ian, a sex offender can be many things on a broad spectrum. For example, it can be at 19 year old engaging in a sexual relationship with a girlfriend that is 16, or as far as people exploiting children, or engaging in non consensual physical acts with adults or minors. [4:37] Ian has taught about cyber crime since 2006, and it all changes so fast that it is necessary to talk about present cases in order to even catch up. Cyber crime examples can be online exploitation, hacking, third party intrusions, crypto currency offenses, online stalking and any sort of online financial crimes. He teaches his students to be able to both educate while still showing respect for the bench.  [7:49] The Fourth Amendment touches about people’s right to privacy and prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures. This has also shifted and expanded a great deal as more and more cases deal with uncovering things within a people’s computer and search history.  [9:53] Misdemeanors could (all jurisdictions are different) be anything from soliciting prostitutes, exhibisionism, etc. These carry very harsh consequences of embarrassment, loss of relationships and work.  [13:02] Our laws are not caught up to technology, and we are using dated laws to fit new offenses in. There is a lack of understanding, and Ian believes it’s not always law itself but the sentencing of that law.  [17:55] Charges on sexual offending also have one of the highest rates of false allegations because there can be ulterior motives. This stresses the importance of taking into account the motivations behind an accusation.  [21:17] When Ian meets with a client for the first time, they are often terrified and mortified. Ian lets them know there is no judgement. He also has set up a network of former clients and family members to help support the new client. Treatment and rehab are not the final step, but more like an important step in the right direction.  [30:11] Due to the strong stigma and penalties associated with accusations of this nature, it is so critical to work with people who have expertise in this particular area of the law.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  American Board Criminal Lawyers  inf@fanlegal.com Ian Friedman  Cleveland-Marshall College of Law  QUOTES: “It’s a very tough landscape for anyone that finds themselves involved in allegations of a sex crime.”  “We are dealing with crimes that we weren’t dealing with 6 months ago, and that’s why I can’t even order a textbook for this class. By the time it comes, it’s outdated.”  “Sexting is a little bit like sex, drugs, and rock and roll.”  “You need to go to people who have been doing the work for a while.”