Sex, Love, and Addiction

BONUS: All We Really Want is a Meaningful Connection with Dr. David Fawcett

BONUS Episode: Today's episode was pulled from Dr. David Fawcett's podcast "Sex, Love, and Addiction: Healing Conversations for Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Men". Dr. Fawcett had the one and only Dr. Rob on to discuss sex addiction and chem sex in men. Dr. Rob dives into why we shouldn’t separate the relationship with drugs and sex in therapy because it’s often combined and needs to be addressed together. He also believes there’s a lot of benefit for hosting gay and straight group therapies together because the commonality of being men can open up a big dialogue and he believes that for most people in therapy, the biggest thing we are seeking is a real and meaningful connection.    TAKEAWAYS:  [2:40] Dr. Rob didn’t realize in the very beginning how drug addiction is so closely linked with sex addiction. We have to look at both, not either/or.  [3:55] How does Dr. Rob see the effect of trauma play into these addictions later in life?  [6:50] Gay, transexual, and transgender people struggle a lot with their relationship to sex, and culturally we still haven’t gotten to openly talk about these issues.  [9:35] Dr. David has seen two worlds collide in a beautiful way. Gay men had their reservations/thoughts about straight men and vice versa. By sharing group therapy sessions together, a real dialogue has begun to open up between them where it’s just men sharing their experiences and trauma.  [11:55] Dr. Rob shares a story about a man who hated what turned him on, but when he did drugs, he was able to indulge in these sexual interests. The work Dr. Rob does has a lot to do with helping people come to peace with their sexual desires. [12:40] Seeking Integrity gets a lot of clients that have a misunderstanding that treatment and addiction are about ‘curing’ themselves, but it’s about self-acceptance.  [16:50] Dr. David breaks down why alcohol is a drug.  [21:25] So many people that Dr. David and Dr. Rob treat are looking for a connection and use drugs to fill it, but in reality, it creates more emptiness.  [25:45] There’s so much more to you than your bodies. As you get older, you’re just not going to get noticed that much and it can be very hurtful to the ego or identify about yourself.    RESOURCES:  Seekingintegrity.com Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men by Dr. Robert Weiss Sexandrelationshiphealing.com Email Rob: Rob@SeekingIntegrity.com   QUOTES:  “People are what grounds us, not substances or behaviors.”  “Which one defines your entire life more? Being male or being gay? Man trumps gay every time.”  “To define sessions as ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ is to sort of like saying why don’t we have a program for African American men or Asian men? There’s so much in common being a man struggling with sexual issues.”  “Our work is a lot about teaching a person to come to peace or celebrate their sexuality without having to use drugs and alcohol.” 

Women Experience Porn Addiction Too with Lacy A. Bentley

Lacy A. Bentley is the Founder and CEO of Women United Recovery Coalition, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of female pornography addiction. She is the author of Addicted to Love, an international bestseller, and is currently collaborating with Dr. Rob on a book about sex addiction. Lacy shares some of her thoughts on why so many women feel like they have to hide in shame because of this addiction and how this addiction gets developed in the first place.     TAKEAWAYS: [2:25] How did Lacy get into this line of work? [4:05] What does it mean that women ‘don’t have’ porn issues? We are ignoring a huge population here!  [5:15] Female security is changing. Women are becoming much more visual. The porn industry has been marketing to women since at least the early 90s.  [7:45] For some women, porn addiction is very real. They become compulsive with it.  [13:00] Women suffering from porn addiction experience a deeper level of shame compared to their male counterparts.  [14:15] When you say addiction doesn’t exist, you make people who are experiencing very real feelings feel invalided and shamed. It takes away their hope.  [15:45] Every woman is different. Why they get addicted to porn it is often for very different and varied circumstances.  [22:00] There is an important distinction between determining whether porn addiction is real or whether the person just has some guilty feelings come up from watching porn. How does Lacy help her clients realize it’s an addiction vs. not?  [25:25] Why do some women struggle with porn and others don’t? [28:15] Feel free to reach out to Lacy if you have any questions!     RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency   Email Lacy: Lacy@HerRecoveryRoadmap.com Addicted to Love: Recovery, Empowerment and Finding Your True Self by Lacy Alajna Bentley Lacy on LinkedIn Women United Recovery Coalition on Facebook Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power by Charlotte S. Kasl  QUOTES: “I go up and talk to a Ph.D., who is the head of a big recovery program, and I say to him, ‘Why do you not address female porn?’ and he says to me, ‘Women don’t have those problems.’ You just double shamed and invalided many women.” “Women certainly carry a lot more shame because women aren’t supposed to look at porn. Women are supposed to be nice. Women don’t do that!” “I have my own moral code and it’s not my job to assign mine to my client.”

Not Living The Life That We Want to Live — Sex Addiction Recovery with Jason Swilling

Jason Swilling is the Program Manager at Seeking Integrity and works alongside addicts at the treatment center. He is on the ground working one-on-one with individuals seeking recovery from sex addiction and shares his experiences with Dr. Rob on today’s episode. How is a treatment center different than a support group? Does drug addiction differ from sex addiction? All these questions answered and more!    TAKEAWAYS: [2:35] Jason has worked with addicts in some form for over 20 years.  [3:35] Is there a difference between patients who are recovering from sex addiction vs. drug addiction? [4:55] Older patients take recovery much more seriously than a 25-year-old in recovery because they have established a stable home life and they are completely scared to lose everything.  [7:15] What’s the difference between going through a treatment center vs. a support group?  [11:55] Jason explains the differences between people who experience guilt vs. self-hatred for their actions. [15:15] There’s something magical about treatment where everyone develops a very strong bond within a short amount of time.  [16:35] The body will heal if you put it in the right circumstances.  [18:30] In this therapeutic environment, the first thing people learn is how to be intimate in this safe environment.   [21:05] When people go through treatment, their hearts begin to open up for the very first time.  [23:20] How does spiritual work help with recovery?  [27:15] By hearing each other’s stories, people going through recovery are able to grieve and really reflect on their own journeys and decisions that they’ve made.  [31:35] Jason shares a story of a man feeling comfortable enough to reveal a trauma that he has held on to (and never told anyone) for 50 years.  [33:25] The goal at Seeking Integrity is to develop healthy lives without shame or guilt.     RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency   QUOTES: “The opposite of addiction is connection.” “The person who is sharing realizes they’re not alone whereas when we’re isolated in our addiction we do feel like we’re alone.” “Our body seeks to heal. The body will heal if you put it in the right circumstances.” “As an addict, in our addiction, we have this lack of intimacy, this inability to be intimate with others. We have to hide.”

Are You Stuck in a Relationship Ditch? With Charlene Benson

Charlene Benson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and fluent in American Sign Language. She is out with a new book, Unstuck: Move From Powerless to Empowered in Your Relationships, which details the ways you can get out of a relationship (romantic or non-romantic) ditch. When we are experiencing conflict in our relationships, we tend to want a complete 180 change from that person. However, it’s important to realize that it takes time to develop good habits and it takes time to overcome past development experiences that have consciously or unconsciously shaped who we are.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:45] What inspired Charlene to write her book? [6:15] Charlene’s book, Unstuck, is for every relationship, whether it be romantic, work-related, or platonic.  [9:40] Our deepest fear is abandonment and rejection. A ‘me’ focused person tries to protect themselves from feeling abandoned. The ‘others’ focused person tries to protect themselves from rejection.  [13:55] The first thing towards getting unstuck is to develop awareness and the second is to set realistic expectations for yourself; huge change comes from tiny steps.  [14:55] Sometimes you have to take two steps back to take one step forward. Your brain takes time to adjust to new changes.  [17:35] Name your fears out loud when you start to feel like you’re being abandoned or rejected. Where are these feelings coming from?  [24:30] Why is it that therapists constantly look at the past/childhood development when dealing with trauma?  [28:15] When we understand what our natural default behaviors are, we can change them and become more empowered.  [31:55] Running away from our fears to protect ourselves can actually be the very thing that makes your fear come true!    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Bensontherapist.com Email Charlene: CBensonBooks@Gmail.com Charlene on LinkedIn Unstuck: Move from Powerless to Empowered in Your Relationships by Charlene Benson QUOTES: “When we don’t know how to balance what I want and what you want at the same time, we will default to our pre-programmed pattern of either giving up what I want or being the one that leads the way.” “Until we become aware of what’s going on and what we’re doing, we can’t make any change.” “We so want our spouse to change 180 degrees yesterday, but they can’t. Look for the tiny little changes instead.” “We wake up every day with the sum total of our past experiences.”

Defining Love Again After a Betrayal with Michelle Mays

Michelle Mays is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Relational Recovery with offices both in Leesburg, VA, and Washington, DC., where she and her team deliver treatment to addicts and betrayed partners. Today’s topic covers how couples can overcome betrayal after infidelity and why it’s perfectly normal to have an attachment ambivalence pattern towards the person who has hurt you. Michelle dives in on some of the challenges couples face as they build the trust back up again and underlines why the hurt partner needs a support group to help them through this chaotic time in their life.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:35] If a partner cheats on you, how do you define love after that?  [8:00] Dealing with cheating is difficult because it presents itself as a unique type of trauma. You begin to experience an ‘I love you today’ and ‘I hate you tomorrow’ attitude.  [9:35] Our brains give us two contradicting messages at the same time. One is to repair the damage so you can find safety again in your partner and the other is to run away.  [16:55] Things might seem like everything is back on track in therapy, but it takes time for the hurt partner to not be reminded by the pain. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.  [19:15] Love becomes a big question mark after infidelity. It is not a given.  [20:25] If you’re going to cheat, tell your partner first. Do it in real-time, not after the fact.  [23:20] Michelle explains the benefits of getting the betrayed partner into a support group.  [29:20] The partner recovering from betrayal is left with a massive hole for which they can get their support. You need a safe base in this chaotic time in your life.    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Partner Hope  Center for Relational Recovery  michellemays@relationalrecovery.com Dr. Barbara Steffens   QUOTES: “The person you usually turn to for safety is now the person that has hurt you.” “People who have been cheated on experience attachment ambivalence. The word ambivalence means to feel two opposing things at exactly the same time.” “It starts to feel like when I’m in a safe space, I get hurt. Betrayal really takes the safety out of that.” “Cheat all you want, but ask your partner first. It’s the lying, it’s the disconnection in the relationship. This will kill a relationship.”

Sex, Porn and the Culture Wars: Being An Expert in a Disinformation Era

Rob wanted to take some time to express some of the challenges he is facing in communicating the importance of his work on this week’s episode. Rob recently attended a conference in Australia that was a bit frustrating to experience. Facts matter in the therapy world and it seems that people prefer to listen to the loudest of voices instead of the experts who have dedicated their lives and education to addiction and therapy. Everyone wants you to take a side or to think in absolutes, but therapists don’t take sides. Therapists guide you in choosing what’s right for you.     TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] We don’t really have all the research about porn addiction yet.  [3:50] Porn can be bad for some people, but it doesn’t mean that it’s bad for everyone.  [4:35] When Rob spoke at a conference in Australia about his neutral beliefs about porn and porn addiction, people were disappointed. When attending scientific conferences, it’s important to present facts; not opinions.  [5:55] Unfortunately, people who are anti-porn hold very strong beliefs about it, but they might not necessarily have the clinical knowledge on how addiction really works. A lot of speakers were not citing statistics or facts in their talks.   [7:45] It’s a catch 22. Anti-porn people do not want to talk about the positives of porn and sexual health professionals don’t want to talk about the negatives of porn and sex addiction. What you need is a balance and you can’t have that if you are very biased towards one belief or the other.   [8:15] Rob makes the connection about how people feel about porn addiction to how people felt about prohibition back in the day. It was deeply rooted in moral, religious beliefs, with conservative overtones.  [9:15] Fear sells. All you have to do is pick a side and think in absolutes, and you will be very popular. Rob doesn’t believe this is the best approach.  [12:55] Rob and some of his fellow colleagues, who hold PhDs on the subject, were turned down to speak because event organizers preferred the speaker who had more media contacts, who were ‘marketable’, or even paid more for a booth. It’s a sad state when fame is preferred over expert knowledge at scientific conferences!   [17:20] How can you do mental health treatment without asking about human sexuality? It sets Rob’s hair on fire when there is such a big disconnect in this area.  [22:05] When you use the word ‘addiction’, you are not shaming yourself. You are embracing your vulnerabilities. You have limits and you learned what they are. That’s a good thing.  [24:55] You can never debate facts to people who have very strong emotional beliefs or opinions. You will always lose.  [26:15] Rob doesn’t understand why the sexual world is so split on certain issues when we all use the same methods and techniques to treat patients. Life would be so much better if we can just come together and work together.    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Dr. Gail Dines Dr. David Ley Prohibition: A Film by Ken Burns and Lynn Novick   QUOTES: “I don’t really decide for you or for anyone else whether porn is good or porn is bad because I think I would be a bad therapist.” “Believe me, fear sells. I can show you a thousand images from online porn that would make you tell me porn is horrible.” “When we’re talking about our pleasures and our human desires, I think it’s always a bad idea to be in black and white.” “That’s an anti-expert experience. When the person who shouts the loudest on Twitter or online or on TV gets the most attention, it doesn’t mean they have the most knowledge.”

The Difference Between Addiction and Physical Dependence with Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD, is a nationally recognized author and expert in both the management of chronic pain with opioids and in addictive sexual disorders. She returns to the show to talk about the important topic of the difference between addiction and physical dependence, and what each experience looks like in terms of diagnosis and treatment. Dr. Schneider also talks about what physical dependence is, the signs of addiction, and why the two continue to get confused. Dr. Schneider and Rob also discuss how we can manage situations as consumers truly looking for effective pain management, and provide resources where people can learn more and reach out for further help.     TAKEAWAYS: [4:53] Dr. Schneider defines physical dependence as the drug-producing a change in your body as a response to no longer taking the drug.  [6:48] When you stop taking a drug suddenly, you will not only experience withdrawal symptoms resulting from your physical dependence, but you will likely also resume the symptoms responsible for taking the medication in the first place.  [8:20] Opioids have two different effects. One is that they cause physical dependence, or your body’s response of adapting to them. The other is they cause addiction.  [9:55] There is a misunderstanding when using the term “chemically dependent” and referring only to an addict. Physical dependency happens to everyone that is on an opioid after a few days, and the body adjusts to the prescribed dosage.  [13:42] Dr. Schneider categorizes addiction into these following descriptions:  The loss of control and inability to stop, or to use the medication as prescribed.  Continuation to use despite significant and adverse consequences.  Preoccupation with use of the drugs.  [19:48] Although it is harder than ever to get a prescription for opioids to manage pain, the drug-related overdose deaths are at an all-time high. This is for many reasons, one being that now people are starting to get their drugs on the street, leading to them taking drugs that could be mixed with dangerous and even lethal substances.  [22:14] There have also been some findings that opioids may treat depression and anxiety, and people may find themselves feeling better not only because their pain is treated, but their mood may be better than ever.  [26:10] Tolerance is still a concept that there is much misunderstanding about. With opioids, some side effects people develop a tolerance to, and some people continue to have the same effects. Dr. Schneider shares a personal story on how pain isn’t the same due to the disease progression, not the opioids.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com  Back from Betrayal  Closer Together Further Apart Always Turned On  Jennifer Schneider  The 5 Most Misunderstood Terms in Pain Medicine QUOTES: “There’s been confusion about the word ‘dependent’.”  “We need to avoid the word ‘dependent’ because it’s good to rely on a medication that can save your life.”  “Addiction is about behavior.”  “There are people who are in genuine pain and now the response is ‘You are just going to have to deal with it’.” 

8 Ways to Wellbeing with Dr. Sonnee Weedn

Dr. Sonnee Weedn, Ph.D., is a clinical and forensic psychologist in private practice in Novato, CA with a newly added satellite office in her hometown of Newport Beach, CA. She is also the author of Many Blessings and a contributor to Making Advances. Dr. Weedn joins the show to talk about the 8 Ways to Wellbeing For Recovering People Workbook, and how her work with Dr. Walsh led her to pull together these foundational habits that create profound results for those in healing and recovery. Dr. Weedn names the 8 ways to wellbeing, and actionable ways we can get started in moving ahead with each one.    TAKEAWAYS: [5:20] Dr. Weedn was asked to present at the Tibetan Medical Conference, and she thought long and hard about how to best inform an International audience made up of many types of culture. She was previously introduced to the work of Dr. Roger Walsh, a professor at UC Irvine Medical School, and realized how his evidence-based research could very much work for those in recovery.  [6:23] Lifestyle habits are foundational to support both our physical and mental health.  [10:03] These healthy lifestyle habits are cross-culturally relevant, and anyone can do them at little cost. It’s also important for people to note that they won’t see drastic change all at once. The point is not to get overwhelmed, it’s to make little changes here and there that will bring their emotional life into as much balance as possible.  [13:55] The 8 Ways to Wellbeing:  Nutrition. Having good, nutritious and pure food is important. Read food labels and feed yourself well. Good nutrition is so important for recovery from any malady, physical or mental.  Exercise. Exercise keeps the brain healthy and the blood pumping. We are meant to move every day, and even just a brisk walk is a great start.  Relaxation. Dr. Weedn refers to it as rest without sleeping, and something that takes us away from the hustle and bustle and creates a sense of peace and mindfulness.  Recreation. This aspect is important, especially for people with addiction.  Relationship. May be the most important in terms of mental health. The more positive interactions we have, the better off we will be mentally. Good relationship skills can be learned over time.  Time in nature. Nature is healing. Get outdoors every day.  Giving back. A spirit of altruism reminds us that there is life beyond us.  Spiritual Practice that is definable. Whether it’s religious or you make up your own, it needs to emphasize love, acceptance, generosity and meaning.    [31:48] It’s all about accountability, and holding the space for yourself and others to do the work. In the workbook, there are sections where you can name who will hold you accountable.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Dr. Sonnee Weedn  Eight Ways to Wellbeing Angeles Arrien  8 Ways to Wellbeing YouTube  drsonnee@aol.com Dr. Roger Walsh  Tibetan Medical Conference    QUOTES: “Our daily healthy habits support our mental and physical health.”  “We have to feed people well in order to help them heal.”  “This is the work of a lifetime, and it doesn’t happen in 30 days of treatment.”  “Nature is always changing, and it’s a good place for us to be when we are in change.” 

When Does Cheating End a Relationship? With Dr. Jennifer Schneider

Dr. Jennifer Schneider, M.D., PhD, is a nationally recognized expert in addictive sexual disorders and in the management of chronic pain with opioids, an area that certainly needs more exposure. She joins the show to talk about what happens when a betrayed partner feels as though they want to end the relationship and a few real-life examples of why someone may want to leave for good. She gives her own personal experience with the subject and discusses the personal growth that needs to occur in order for someone to walk away. She and Rob also discuss the books they have written together, the importance of support groups, and resources for betrayed partners experiencing trauma.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:57] Dr. Schneider is the author of 15 books and numerous articles in professional journals. She and Rob also have written two together, including Closer Together, Further Apart and Always Turned On. [4:00] Dr. Schneider was a betrayed partner herself and discusses the self confidence and awareness she developed to get clarity and realize she was ready to leave the situation.  [5:26] Betrayed partners need support, and they have to be okay with the independence and inner work that comes with leaving a situation that no longer serves them.  [13:15] The partner that acted out may have a totally different story after recovery than while they are in a mode of lying and cheating. It is possible that partners will find out later that there are even more lies than they thought, and they have to decide whether they want to stick around to make that distinction or not.  [15:48] Dr. Schneider found that things shifted for her own personal relationship once she was able to understand the patterns and behavior of her then husband. She took a first step by going to Al-Anon, and began to get the skills and self esteem to build up her own self confidence.  [18:10] There is power in support from others. Dr. Schneider has found it very beneficial to attend support groups and found the benefits one of the biggest gifts in healing. [21:55] Betrayed partners are going through a major trauma, but Dr. Schneider doesn’t see them as solely a victim.  [24:02] By healing our own wounds we become less needy and vulnerable, and are able to make better decisions intellectually about love.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Back from Betrayal  Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness Closer Together, Further Apart Always Turned On Al-Anon Jennifer Schneider    QUOTES: “The answer comes from who you are, and what you want from life and yourself.”  “As long as it’s too fearful to end the relationship, you will stay and make excuses.”  “All of our needs come up when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.” 

What Mediation Looks Like When Couples Part Ways with Dina Haddad

Dina Haddad is a family law mediator and principal of Families First Mediation. She joins the show this week to talk with Rob about the options couples have when being together isn’t the best option, and how she helps her clients navigate the often painful and rocky road of not being together. Dina talks about what it is they do in meditation, the difference between mediation and litigation, and why it’s important for couples to try and work together on coming to an agreement that works in the best interest of everyone.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:45] Reconciliation can work for some couples, but it is not always the best answer. Dina works with clients who feel they are better off parting ways, and explains the different choices they face when getting divorced.  [5:02] Litigation uses the court system to complete divorce. Through attorney representation, litigation can be very cut and dry and much of the time is used on rule abiding and procedural matters. Mediation puts the parties in control while still getting guidance and support on the laws through experts like Dina. Mediation is also far less expensive than traditional choices such as litigation.  [11:10] The process of divorce can be extremely emotionally challenging for all parties, especially betrayed partners who are experiencing much hurt and anger. If it’s appropriate for the situation, Dina can recommend a therapist for her clients to work with throughout the process.  [13:13] Working with a professional also provides structure, confidentially, and an objective third party.  [17:28] Dina has created a DIY program for divorce in California called The Complete Divorce. This takes couples from beginning to end in the process and explains all the forms with step by step tutorials. There are also resources provided if they do want to talk with a professional for even further support.  [23:08] When there is hurt and pain involved, couples will want to punish their partner, come up with scare tactics, or even just make things “fair”. The law doesn’t always cater to this, and this is why it’s important for couples to take a step back and come up with a manageable and efficient parenting plan for all involved.  [28:12] Parenting schedules can be different for every family, and can suit whatever is best for the children and the parents.    RESOURCES:  Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com Families First Mediation San Jose Counseling    QUOTES: “The scariest part of divorce is being confronted in a very difficult time in your life with a very difficult legal process.” “Healing your relationship doesn’t always mean staying together.” “Everybody has a different sense of fairness, it just depends on what side you are sitting at.”