The Three Pillars to Restoring Sexuality after Betrayal with Drs. Ginger and Bill Bercaw

Dr’s. Ginger and Bill Bercaw are the founders of The California Center for Healing in Pasadena, CA. The Bercaws are nationally recognized relationship and sexuality experts, appearing regularly on Access Hollywood Live and Fox News as well as being Huffington Post columnists and cited in Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Maxim, and the LA Times. Drs. Ginger and Bill discuss how a betrayed spouse can become intimate with their love or sex addict, ways couples can build intimacy, and how to prioritize therapy when we all live busy lives.

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:25] How do you reintegrate healthy sexuality and trust after betrayal.

[5:40] Couples who have made it through the traumatic effects of the betrayal are still going to struggle in the bedroom.

[6:55] When a partner finds out about a 12-year affair, some of them want to jump into bed with them right away. Why is that?

[11:15] Most recovering sex addicts are not familiar with what intimacy means. 

[12:45] What can couples do to take the first step to building intimacy?

[20:00] The next step is communication to help restore sensuality in the relationship.

[23:50] In Drs. Ginger and Bill’s model, the next step or critical piece to healing is education.

[26:20] How do Drs. Ginger and Bill keep their couples motivated to keep pursuing therapy and work on themselves?

[28:45] What makes certain couples struggle vs. other couples that thrive? It comes down to the person’s trauma.

[30:50] We all have busy lives. Who has time for therapy?

 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Connect with Drs. Ginger and Bill Bercaw: Drsbercaw.com

 

QUOTES:

• “By and large, we don’t typically see couples who have great sex lives before discovery.”
• “We were introduced to a model of communicating and I remember walking out of that therapist’s office and just shaking my head. Normal people don’t talk to each other this way! However, maybe we should try something that’s abnormal.”
• “If you do have the willingness to prioritize your relationship. It doesn’t have to be an hour every night, it can be half an hour 2-3 times a week. Something to give you traction.”
• “You can’t ‘will it’ that way or ‘wish it’ that way. You have to be willing to put in the work just like anything else.”