Part 1 - How to Get Over Betrayal and Cheating

Dr. Rob breaks down what goes on in a man's and a woman’s mind when they cheat and their partner finds out about the affair. Dr. Rob uses a clip from Fatal Attraction to show an example of how a cheating partner tries to manipulate their partner, who is in pain, about the betrayal. In this episode, Dr. Rob explains what intimacy really is and what happens when your needs are not being met. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:20] Men and women are different. Men have the ability to separate sex from intimacy. 

[3:55] How do you define cheating in the digital age?

[5:15] Dr. Rob plays a clip from Fatal Attraction to best explain cheating.

[9:45] When you ask for forgiveness, you take the focus off of the person in grief and put it back on you. It appears very selfish and manipulative in the moment. 

[12:45] How many times have you believed that your cheating wasn’t your fault? 

[14:55] Why doesn’t he just come home and help with some of the household chores?

[16:20] So many of us confuse intensity with intimacy. That is not intimacy.

[19:50] Men who have cheated expect to be forgiven right away, but a woman doesn’t work that way.

[25:15] What do men need to do to gain back their partner’s trust?

[29:45] Remember, when it’s all about you, that’s not empathy. 

[32:30] Women who have experienced cheating betrayal feel guilty and shameful that they allowed this to happen. They feel like they should have done more to keep their man from straying. Dr. Rob explains deeper. 

[37:00] Why is she so upset about every little detail happening?

[40:15] Your female partner has been victimized by you. You are responsible for the consequences. 

[42:45] Stay tuned for part 2!

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

 

QUOTES:

• “No man I’ve ever met understands how to heal cheating in a woman.”
• “Men will respond differently to betrayal, but betrayal is still betrayal.”
• “When you ask someone for forgiveness, what you’re doing is asking them to take the focus off of themselves and put them on you.”
• “Our home is the foundation and when you’re saying work is more important, forget about the sex, we’re sitting here actually saying, ‘you don’t matter.’”