Part 1 - How Do You Become a Sex Addict?

Dr. Rob does a solo episode to discuss some common questions that arise in his practice. Things like, how someone becomes a sex addict in the first place, why shame plays an integrated role in addiction, and how to re-learn to ask for your basic needs in adulthood. Recovery is hard, but it’s possible. Dr. Rob hopes this episode opens your eyes and shows you that you’re not a bad person. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:45] How does someone become a sex addict?

[2:45] Treatment is about three things: 1. Learning how to not do this. 2. Learning about addiction. 3. Learning about yourself.

[4:15] Shame prevents you from asking what you truly need for yourself. 

[6:15] Addicts often grew up learning that no one was going to meet your basic needs, so why even bother asking? 

[10:45] Young children don’t understand what’s going on in an adult world and often blame themselves for any wrong doings.  

[14:15] What actually happens in a healthy family? 

[19:10] Addicts walk around adulthood feeling empty looking for people to meet their needs, only to be disappointed. 

[23:00] Your feelings naturally get pushed in the way, way back. This is why you act out! 

[24:20] Your emotions are just information indicators that there’s something wrong. 

[29:35] We learned a long time ago that our needs hurt other people. Of course, as an adult, this is not true!

[30:15] So many people in recovery don’t even realize what it is they need emotionally. This is a learned process and it takes time to learn.  

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

 

QUOTES:

• “We’re not bad people, we’re broken people.”
• “Many of us grew up knowing that it didn’t matter what we needed because nobody was going to meet those needs.”
• “Shame is the felt experience of being defective that is brought about by early emotional disorders.”
• “Your emotions are just information that [you might be having a bad day].”