Part 1: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?

After a huge betrayal, it can be nearly impossible to come back to the center and find forgiveness. Some couples are ready to move forward and to forgive, but they keep getting stuck in the negative patterns of their betrayal, hurt, and distrust. Is there a healthy way to move forward? Should you even forgive in the first place? Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed Psychologist with two graduate degrees in psychology. She explains how you can move through these emotions and reach a place of repair within your relationship in this week’s episode. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:00] A little bit about Dr. Jessica. 

[4:55] How do you help someone find peace after a deep betrayal? 

[8:45] There is no guarantee around not being betrayed. 

[10:35] It’s a different feeling when someone shows up to the relationship with intentionally vs. passivity. 

[14:00] How do you move a couple forward from being stuck in a place of anger? 

[18:45] Would it be helpful for the addict to explain their childhood to their partner? 

[23:35] When will the betrayed spouse forgive me? 

[25:40] Some people feel like if they remain resentful, they’re teaching the other person a lesson. 

 

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Drjessicahiggins.com

QUOTES:

• “A lot of spouses are looking for a guarantee. What you’re doing [today] isn’t really real and I want you to prove it.”

• “There is a part of me that really wants to trust you and feel like I’m not managing you.”

• “There are 350 definitions of forgiveness. There are some nuances and it can be hard to pin down what you’re dealing with.”