How could you love AND Cheat on me? - Part 1

In this week’s episode, Dr. Rob shares a webinar he did about addiction, relationship healing, low-self esteem, the power of denial, and so much more. As addicts, we become so disintegrated in our everyday lives. We do not believe our loved ones when they say they love us. We do everything in our power to push love away because we feel we do not deserve it. There’s a lot of internal shame that we face. Dr. Rob talks about how you can begin to live a life of integrity and value, and connection with your loved ones. It is possible! You just have got to take it step by step. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:45] What Rob is about to talk about is not therapy. It’s supplemental therapy. 

[3:55] Rob started doing this work when he was 26 years old. 

[4:55] Get a piece of pen and paper folks. You’ll be writing some notes down!

[5:25] DENIAL: Don’t Even Know I Am Lying. 

[7:15] Here’s why denial is powerful to our survival. 

[12:25] Why is the word ‘integrity' so important? 

[13:40] In our addictions, we are disintegrated. 

[14:00] Addicts already have low-self esteem and hold a lot of shame. 

[14:50] What is the definition of intimacy? It’s not sex. 

[16:10] What breaks your partner’s heart is that they can’t trust you anymore. 

[20:10] Of course your spouse would be the last to know! They love you! They trust you! And now that trust is broken. 

[22:10] Spouses are looking through your phone to find that they can trust you again. 

[23:35] Rob wants you to write out the words ‘Addict’ and ‘Healthy Person’.

[26:25] Healthy people choose reality. Addicts choose to live in fantasy. 

[28:40] You’re living in denial if you believe that your actions won’t affect others. 

 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Dr. Rob Guest Lecture on Sex and Relationship Healing

 

QUOTES:

• “Disintegration allows us to do what we want to do, but it keeps any real love away.”
• “Intimacy is being known fully by people who love you. Letting yourself be known with no secrets.”
• “He’s being honest. That has a profound meaning for the partner even if you don’t have your stuff together.”