Building a Loving Relationship with Ourselves with Troy L. Love

Troy L. Love is a two-time Amazon Best-Selling Author and has a third book, A Year of Self-Love, which was published in 2019. Troy shares why we feel such deep shame and dives into the six attachment wounds we carry around after a traumatic childhood. He also helps visualize these six attachment wounds through characters to help people in recovery better understand themselves and their journey. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:45] Troy shares his journey and why he is passionate about helping people with trauma. 

[6:15] It took Troy roughly 10 years to feel grounded enough to move forward with his trauma and help other people. 

[7:15] How is shame related to addiction.

[10:15] Our shame is connected to our attachment wounds. There are six attachment wounds: Loss, Neglect, Rejection, Abandonment, Betrayal, and Abuse.

[12:25] How does someone discover whether or not they have childhood trauma or not? 

[15:45] Can we get over these childhood traumas? 

[19:30] Narcissism can be cured. 

[22:55] Our loudest voice is our own judgments. 

[29:15] How can someone best recover from their own inadequacies when they have a partner at home who is very upset and hurt over the actions they have done? 

[32:15] Darling, I know you suffer, but I am here for you. 

[34:05] The use of compassion and empathy are the only ways out! 

[36:20] There are places all over the world that can help you. Your location to get good care is no longer a barrier. 

 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Connect with Troy: Website & A Year of Self Love by Troy L. Love

 

QUOTES:

• “Shame is the deep and abiding belief or experience that I am flawed and defective and therefore unworthy of love or belonging.”
• “I wasn’t acting out anymore, but man, I was still causing damage and it was fueled by the shame.”
• “Shame is anger turned inwards and when you stop being angry at yourself, you might start biting at people around you.”
• “As long as you can start doing the work and start to create some empathy and someplace, that creates space for your spouse to also begin to heal.”